It’s a CRAZY double standard if we think that our kids shouldn’t act as we act. They’re little sponges who are learning EVERYTHING from us, from a whole language to how to behave in the world. So if we’re lashing out when we’re angry and frustrated and not in control of our emotions - guess what our little ones are going to do?!

Punishment in the form of shouting or time outs can SEEM like it is working in the moment - because it stops a behaviour. But it stops for all the wrong reasons - because our kids are afraid.

How fear affects a child's nervous system
When humans are afraid, their nervous system goes into fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode. Harsh punishments scare children into this mode- it can look like this:

Fight: your child may shout or hit back at you
Flight: run away from you
Freeze: stop in their tracks completely
Fawn: do anything they can to please you in order to reduce the threat

Kids CANNOT LEARN when their brains go into this mode, so they’re not ‘learning a lesson’ - they’re just surviving. In fact research has shown that parenting in this way can lead to MORE aggression and misbehaviour.

There’s. no. such. thing. as. naughty.

I’ll say it again. THERES NO SUCH THING AS NAUGHTY. Your child isn’t bad or broken, they’re doing their very best with the skills they have in that moment and their brains are very under developed. When we see unwanted behaviours as a cry for help rather than an attempt to push all of our buttons, we’re less likely to respond in an explosive manner.

Ultimately we want to show them how we can regulate our own big feelings and respond with calm, so that they can learn to do the same.

NOBODY IS PERFECT AT THIS. Most of us will have been shouted at as children so there’s a lot of unlearning to do! You’re in the right place if you’re looking to follow evidence based practice and do better!!

You’ve got this.