NOT NAUGHTY ⬇️⬇️

Our kids KNOW that pushing, shoving and hitting are ‘bad’ behaviours. They most often don’t WANT to hurt someone else, but it’s the FASTEST way to communicate in a hurry and it’s IMPULSIVE.
Remember - their brains are underdeveloped and they don’t have the language and social skills we have, let alone the ability to manage their emotions and impulses.

So they PUSH to communicate something. And we as parents often fall into traps of responding to that behaviour with a mini lecture on why they shouldn’t push... But they already knew all that. They just didn’t have any other options in their brain at that moment.

👀As long as nobody is seriously hurt, here’s another way to respond:

🤌quickly get on their level and involved in the play. That way you’re ready to gently catch any repeat attempts to hurt another child.
🤌be a detective. Work out what they were trying to communicate with that behaviour.
🤌model the language you think they were trying to communicate. “Please don’t touch my tower”, “i need some space” “It’s my turn”.
🤌facilitate them to play together by giving suggestions on how they could work together. “If you’re not using this spade you could give Sam one so he can help dig”, “Sarah wants to help you build, I wonder what job you could give her”, “Tui wants a turn of what you’ve got. I know when you’re finished you’ll be a top sharer and hand it to him”.

🥊IF YOUR CHILD HITS OFTEN, they might be at a stage where they need more help to successfully play alongside others and communicate their needs.
They’re not ‘bad’ - they’re asking for more help. In this phase, they need you to be close to them to help them to enter and negotiate play. For sure this will feel like a hassle when you JUST want a cup of tea with another parent, but putting a little bit of time in NOW to give them some words to say and teach them how to play alongside others will pay off long term.
🖐️PREVENTION is always the best strategy when it comes to unwanted behaviours - so much more powerful than waiting for things to happen then responding / reprimanding.

You’ve got this. @youvegotthispodcast

Watch the full reel here