It’s developmentally appropriate for toddlers to have tantrums. It’s actually a good sign that they’re developing typically.
Remember – their brains are under developed so they don’t have the skills that we have to deal with complex emotions.
Tantrums can be so hard and incredibly triggering but our toddlers need us the most when they’re upset. They need us to be calm, to reassure them that we’re going to support them through it and that we don’t love them any less when they’re not themselves.
After all, how can we expect our toddlers not to shout when they’re upset if we should when we’re upset with them?!
Instead of meeting their big emotions with our own big emotions, here’s a bit of a script you can follow.
It’s so important to Kindly and calm hold the boundary. If you cave in and say “ok just 5 more minutes” then your little one learns that their tantrum is a fantastic strategy for getting what they want. Confidently hold your boundary.
You might have to sit there and let them have their feelings. It’s okay for them to have big feelings and they don’t need to be distracted or told it’s not okay to have them.
If you stick to this tantrum plan consistently, you’ll see them shorten in frequency and intensity.
You want your toddler to see from you “I’m not phased when you’re angry, you can feel that and I’ll listen but it’s not going to change my mind” and not “wow your tantrum is winding me up, I’m going to shout to stop you from doing this or I’m going to cave in and let you have whatever you want”.
I hope this script helps a little.
☝️hands up if your little one is in the tantrum stage ☝️