Self-esteem is everything.

Self-esteem is everything.

😔If we're honest - I bet all of us can say we've said a phrase like this or had something similar said to us when we were children.

🥺It comes from a good place - we have all these expectations about how we want our kids to turn out and subconsciously we don't want them make the mistakes we made or be disappointments in the way we have felt like disappointments to our own parents. So we try to shape them by creating all these rules and boundaries and stumble into old traps of how we were parented.

👂What's important to remember is that what we say to our children doesn't often stop them from loving us, but it CAN impact whether they love themselves. Our words become their inner voice and sense of self, so if we're focussing on all 'flaws' and undesirable behaviours, that's how our children begin to perceive themselves.

😓Over time, our words can impact our childrens' self esteem. Whether they feel 'good enough'. They can feel unworthy and inadequate which can impact their emotional development and confidence going into adulthood.
We can all remember a time we've felt shame, right?

💡Make a change. Most of the time these moments of shaming come from adults trying to manage behaviours that make US feel shame about our kids. They're doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable or they aren't doing what we want them to do. Here's some strategies to help.

  1. Remember your child is always doing their best with the skills they have in the moment. They don't want to upset us.
  2. Manage your expectations. Your child might need more help in this moment for whatever reason. What they're doing is part of their emotional growth. Their brain isn't developed yet.
  3. Acknowledge what they're doing and how they might be feeling. "You're finding that tricky. It looks frustrating"
  4. Avoid labels like good/bad/silly/baby
  5. Treat them as though they're already the awesome person you want them to be. Focus on the great things they do.
  6. Model the behaviour and language you want to see them use.
  7. Notice your own shame triggers. You are a good enough parent! Kids do kid things.

You've got this.

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