Why threatening your child with consequences doesn't improve their behaviour

Why threatening your child with consequences doesn't improve their behaviour

We've all done this. Here's how we do better.

1. Guess at and acknowledge the feeling.
"You're really frustrated"
"you need my attention"
"You're angry with your sister".

2. Kindy hold your boundary
"I won't let you run around the house at bedtime"
"I'm going to stop you from hurting your sister"
"I'm going to keep everyone's body safe"

3. Take a deep breath. Remember this is communication. Your child can't move forward until they've found some calm so you have to model the calm.

4. Be curious. You can even add some humour.
"Gosh I wonder what's got you feeling this way, did you eat jumping beans for supper?!"
"Do you need me to stay? Need a cuddle?"
"I'm here when you're ready and we can work this out together"

5. When everyone's calm, teach them how they can communicate their needs to you next time. "If your sister is bothering you can shout for me and I will come and help".
"If your body isn't tired you can play in your room for a while, that's fine. I'll be nearby if you need me but I'm doing my night time jobs".

Our kids have underdeveloped brains. They're impulsive. They need US. They don't need to be threatened and it's likely going to make their behaviour worse over time.
It's SO HARD to find your calm when you're tired, overstimulated and this kind of regulated, respectful parenting wasn't modelled to you when you were a child. But you've totally got this. They don't mean to misbehave just as you don't mean to shout. Everyone's disregulated. And we can't expect them to control their behaviour if we can't even control our own.

Watch the full reel here

Save this for later and send to a parent who's handling some big behaviours right now. 

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.

No comments