Kids don't need punishment to learn a lesson

Kids don't need punishment to learn a lesson
Punishment ≠ learning.

THREE things can be true.
✅ YES our parents were doing their best when they raised us.
🚫 NO we didn't deserve to suffer physically or emotionally when we misbehaved
✅ Yes we now know there are more effective ways to support behaviour.

🧠 It's all about the brain. When you realise that misbehaving is:
🫢Impulsive - because the part of the brain that controls impulses doesn't even START to develop until children are close to age 4
💬 Communication - because their brains haven't developed the language to articulate their emotions and needs effectively

And THEN you realise that:

🧠 When children are dysregulated and misbehaving their brains are working overtime trying to cope with emotions and are truly not in a space to learn anything
🧠 Punishing children physically or with an aggressive response sends kids' brains into flight or fight mode, shutting off all learning areas so they can't physically learn a lesson anyway.

Then SUDDENLY - you realise that punishment is pretty pointless and not the best way to go. It explodes out of us because we're disregulated ourselves and we weren't taught any other way when WE were kids. But there IS another way.

🫠 YES I too feel extremely triggered by my kids sometimes and find it hard to keep my cool.
What I'm always asking myself inside is:
"what are they trying to communicate to me?".

I also remind myself that kids truly don't want to misbehave - it doesn't feel good for them. Just as we truly don't want to shout at them. If we're expecting them to have an ounce of control of their outbursts- it starts with us modelling control of our own outbursts.

  1. Breathe. A couple of big deep breaths
  2. Remember: this isn't personal. It's not manipulative. They don't want to misbehave.
  3. Be curious. What are they trying to communicate with you? It might just me "I'm feeling out of control, Mum, help me to calm my body"
  4. Kindly, firmly and physically step in to support them to do something else. "I'm going to help you move your body outside, let's kick this ball".
  5. When everyone is calmer - have a no judgement chat about it. Teach a strategy for next time. Try a regulation technique together.

Watch the full reel here

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.

No comments